Meetings
by MPRose
Summary: Who can ever say whom people are parted from and who they are reunited with; and when. How cruel it can seem that matters of such importance should be left to chance. - Amanda meets Sarek story, though technically a sequel to Science Festival
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own Star Trek.**

Who can ever say whom people are parted from and who they are reunited with; and when. How cruel it can seem that matters of such importance should be left to chance.

It certainly seemed so to Amanda, tipsy and crying in her bed, back at her parents' house, watching the news while her family and friends were out there, enjoying themselves.

It happened at exactly that moment. She was trying to navigate through the different options, finding a topic that would not worsen her mood or bore her to tears (more tears, that is), when all her efforts were thwarted by breaking news. The options disappeared from the screen, to be replaced by a full shot of Ambassador Sarek, surrounded by a flock of obnoxious journalists.

By the time Sarek had made a hasty retreat and the live broadcast ended, Amanda had only gathered that there had been some sort of diplomatic crisis which had escalated into taking hostages and then armed violence. And that Sarek had somehow taken care of it.

It seemed unbelievable. Such things did not happen on Earth. Yet, the news cast continued to report about it. And as she tried to gather all the facts and understand what had happened, Amanda was struck by the realization that the already prominent ambassador had just managed to become a Federation-wide celebrity.

She thought back to their meeting only a few months ago, to their abrupt parting. Suddenly she wanted to see him again, tell him all the things he had not wanted to hear from her. She was seized by the fear that if she did not act at that moment, she might never see him again in person; that in future, she would only get to see him on the news, wondering about what-ifs, and what-might-have-beens.

Her decision made, she stood up. She had a hunch as to where he was heading. He had only made one single comment to the reporters trying to keep him from leaving. And from his comment, from the way he had phrased it – and from the little understanding she had gained of him over the course of their acquaintance – she thought she could tell where he had gone to. She was going to track him down. Every single reporter was probably looking for him right now, but she would be the one to find him.

While Amanda made her decision, Sarek had driven to the embassy where he had exchanged the official aircar for his private one. He had left anonymously while the reporters were crowding the embassy entrance.

What a coincidence it was, then, that Sarek's thoughts should also be occupied by musings about chance and Amanda.

For all his denial of luck, things had fallen together in a particularly unfavourable fashion. He really could have done without the reporters chasing him. He needed to leave Terra and return to Vulcan as soon as possible, but the next civilian ship for Vulcan would not be leaving for another two days.

He considered calling for emergency transport, then decided against it. With his new-found popularity it would cause too many questions. There was no helping it. He would have to wait. At least he would no longer be bothered by the journalists.

Sarek had to admit, he felt quite pleased with his little deception, and even more so with his planned hide-out for the next two days. He was sure no one would find him there to bother him. Just as Amanda had suggested...

Amanda. Strange, that his thoughts should still be set on her, now that his stay on Terra was coming to a close. It was still difficult for him to admit that since their meeting in spring that year, she had been constantly on his mind. Thoughts of her had become eerily familiar, ever-present like the need to breathe; never intrusive, or prominent, easily pushed into the background of his mind, and yet ever present.

Should it not be fitting then, that two people, thinking of each other, hurrying to the same place, should both be remembering the same moment in the past, their eventful meeting only a few months ago?

Whether it was inevitable, or merely by coincidence – a matter of chance.


	2. Chapter 2

The landscape flying by blurred around her, as her unseeing eyes stared out of the window. In her mind's eye Amanda was seeing entirely different scenes playing out in front of her, memories blurred together with snatches of dreams, both the sleeping and the waking kind.

Was she once again chasing a hopeless dream?

Sarek's parting words came back to her. "I shall neither dishonour you, nor shame myself," he had told her.

His voice had been steady and clear, sharp like a frosty wind in winter. But his eyes... How could he ever claim not to feel when there had been so much sorrow in his eyes as he had gazed at her?

All that time he had been drawing her in and never letting her reach him. He had been longing for her – so very obviously, it had all been written so clearly in his eyes those last days, so easy to read for someone used to reading emotions, especially his – and yet he had been pushing her away.

That was why it did not matter if he would reject her again, if she was setting herself up for a humiliation. Amanda had to find answers to calm the chaos he had inflicted on her emotions.

And if she would not be able to attain the one she desired, at least she would be assured that she had tried everything she could. She would be able to tell herself that she had done all in her power, and so had fulfilled the demands of love.

Oh, but she did not want to consider that. Why dwell on the sad parts when at the beginning all had seemed so simple. It truly had been a new beginning for her, a parting from the life she had led before, and in that moment as she had gazed at her promising future, the whole world had seemed so impossibly beautiful.

As she had watched spring transform the world around her, she had decided to leave her whole life behind – her boyfriend of almost two years, and her place of study, even though she was not sure if she would be able to gain her doctorate before the premature deadline she had set herself.

But she had been tired of accepting less than she deserved, for settling for second best.

She would not dwell on Malcolm for the moment, on his skewered world views, and his refusal to take her seriously.

As for the other, well, that was what had started it all. That first day, she had gone to the Vulcan Embassy to submit her application. She was hoping for a place at the Vulcan Science Academy, an opportunity to study with one of the leading scientists in her field.

With a smile she remembered the uptight Vulcan she had been sent to to help her with the formalities. With perfect clarity it came back to her, the upturned nose, the chilled tone, the carefully blank face with the permanently raised eyebrow, and that voice, that dissonant, high-pitched voice droning on and on.

"-Should you be accepted, you will of course be required to adapt to our social norms during your stay. I would advise you to carefully study the provided instructions. You may find that what we consider polite behaviour varies greatly from your definition of the same."

Arrogant git, Amanda had thought. Then she had smiled at him, a wide, toothy smile that would most definitely be considered rude on Vulcan.

"I'll get right to it," she had said with exaggerated enthusiasm, had collected all the data she had been given, and had made her way back to the reception hall.

Had she left a few minutes earlier, she would just have gone home, and none of the things that had happened since then might have taken place.

How much was she dependent on the changes of time, then, that those few minutes of delay had steered her life in such an unexpected direction.

But because she was delayed, trying to be polite, and could not extricate herself as fast as she would have liked, the moment she finally managed to leave coincided with the appearance of the Tarkalean delegation.

Appearance was a mild term, of course. They had charged down the hallway towards the reception hall, loud in their indignation, and as fast as their already hurt dignity would allow them.

Amanda would always be grateful for their pride and paranoia, for their habit of quickly taking offence and responding to it emotionally, illogically – in short, making the Vulcan diplomats' life very difficult. For it was this that had caused the scene, a cultural misunderstanding, rather than an actual disagreement in their aims.

There were some things that no machine would ever be able to translate, because there was a difference between knowing a language, and understanding it – something Amanda had always believed, even if that belief had been rather vague and uncertain until then.

It had been fortunate that her belief in taking chances had been a lot firmer.

She went up to the leader of the Tarkalean delegation and the two Vulcans trying to cope with the out-of-control situation, and explained the misunderstanding. She only spoke a few words, hyper-aware of everyone around her in that brief moment, her blood rushing through her ears. But it was enough. The Vulcans bent enough to admit they might have made a mistake, and the Tarkaleans calmed enough to reschedule the meeting.

After the delegation had left, Amanda was asked to remain. Only then did she fully take in the two Vulcans. The one who asked her to stay was an old woman, dressed in heavy robes, that even Amanda could tell were very formal. She turned out to be the Vulcan ambassador to the Federation which explained the vague familiarity, though Amanda would not have been able to recall in what context she had seen the older woman before.

She had no such problems when it came to the considerably younger male standing next to her. Even though Amanda had only met him once, and quite briefly, the impression he had made on her would not allow her to forget him that easily.

For it had been during that first meeting between them that Amanda had fully realised how much she had wanted to change her life.

Something passed through Sarek's eyes the moment Amanda caught his gaze, though it was gone too fast for Amanda to tell what it had been. At least it was clear that he had recognised her. Not that he acknowledged it in any other way.

That had been the beginning. Their real first meeting had been a coincidence, and they had parted ways, never expecting to meet each other again. But life had brought them together again.

It had been that second meeting, that had resulted in a job offer for Amanda, that had forced them to really take notice of each other.


	3. Chapter 3

What was it like to feel? Was it that illogical urge to dwell on that which had already happened, unable to let it go? The ever-present what-if...

He was not yet gone so far that he was unaware how pointless that was, and yet he could not stop himself from going over every moment with Amanda, devising new scenarios, each more unrealistic than the last, that might have led to a different outcome for them.

It was he who had left her, he reminded himself. So how was it that he was the one suffering?

Sarek got up from the bed, finally conceding defeat. It was pointless, his thoughts kept going in circles, not leading anywhere. He decided to leave his hotel room to clear his head.

He did not encounter anyone in the corridors, and even the lobby was almost empty. There were barely any guests – not unexpected, considering it was the hottest time of the year and the temperatures were soaring – at least by Terran standards, though they were still within comfortable levels for Sarek. And the guests present were listless and lethargic, not altogether interested in the exploration of the valley they had come for. But there was no telling if that would be enough to stay unnoticed.

He had barely finished that thought when he heard snatches of conversation.

"-the hottest part of the country, in the middle of summer-" a male human was saying.

"Oh, stop complaining," answered his female companion. "At least we've got peace and quiet here. There was an attack on the [] in Frisco yesterday, did you hear?"

Sarek did not wait to hear the reply, and a moment later he had left the hotel on the fastest route into the desert, planning not to return until it was dark.

There seemed to be no choice. With only his thoughts for company, his mind returned to the one topic it seemed unable to stay away from – Amanda. How little time it had taken her to leave her mark on him.

From the very beginning, he had felt a pull towards her. He had been aware of it, when at odd moments their eyes would meet, or she would step just a little too close into his personal space and he felt a brush of her mind against his, when his mind was unguarded, unprepared to fully suppress that strange – Had that been an emotion? Almost unresisting, he had let himself be pulled deeper and deeper.

And yet, when should he have done something to stop it? Before she came to your apartment that evening – his mind supplied unmercifully – before she came to tell you – No! His mind shied away from the intolerable memory.

But if that had been too late, when then?

Perhaps at the beginning of Terra's last spring season, when she had so unexpectedly re-entered his life? In the course of her short visit to the embassy she had managed to interfere in their diplomatic work, and stop a simple misunderstanding becoming an incident with serious consequences. In one go, she had managed to prove her point about universal translators from their first meeting, and save the whole diplomatic staff of the embassy an embarrassing amount of extra work. There had been nothing left to do but ask her to work for them. And he – He, most of all, had been taken in by her actions.

Later, then? After she had been hired, there was no avoiding meeting her, spending time with her – Admit it, you were seeking her out, his traitorous mind insisted. You wanted to debate with her, looked forward to her convoluted arguments, her seemingly deliberate unwillingness to build logical structures, and her refusal to ever concede a point.

And yet, how could he have stayed away from her? Why would he have? It had not been emotion that had pulled him towards her then. It had been a novel exercise for his mind to get acquainted with her way of thinking, to get used to it, become familiar...

That was what it all came down to. If one assumed that all of one's actions ought to be logical responses to outside influences then nothing he could have done, or not done, said, thought, or tried to influence would have led to a different outcome.

Every step of the way had been inevitable.

The first step had been his bonding to T'Rea, he supposed. That had been a direct consequence of both their personalities – his active, sometimes wilful, as well as her restful, introverted one. And commiserating over the fact that her mental abilities had developed later than they did in others was just as futile as protesting their natures which had made their bonding such a beneficial one.

No one could have known her mental abilities would become powerful enough to allow her to become a reldai.

The conflict had begun there. T'Rea had been bonded to him, something that would not have happened had she developed at the usual, faster rate. She would have been given the choice not to be bonded and become a reldai from the beginning – encouraged to become a reldai, in fact.

As things had stood, she had still been pushed to take up advanced mental studies, to interact with other prospective reldai. And T'Rea, who simply was not made for conflict, who always craved peace of mind – whose mind had always been so restful, like an oasis, he thought in agony – had gone along with it.

The conflict could not have gone on indefinitely without resolution. T'Rea had finally given in six years ago – It had been the correct choice by Vulcan morality, he could now admit – the needs of the many, and all that.

The dissolution of the bond had not gone smoothly. The emptiness in his mind after so many years of being bonded had been disconcerting. Sarek tried not to remember what had followed as a consequence of that. T'Rea had helped him, but she had not gone back on her choice. Even though a large part of her had wanted to. But she had been unwilling – or unable – to go back on her word.

Sarek felt the anger rise in him again at the memory. How could anyone have thought T'Rea fit for a reldai – the priestesses who had ruled his world in ancient times, and even in modern times of democracy held the rank of royalty. How could anyone want someone so easily swayed-

Why her, of all people? Had Vulcan run out of other prospective reldai? Surely, they could have afforded to have one less-

Enough! Enough dwelling on what had already happened, what could no longer be undone.

Sarek's mind came to a shuddering halt as he tried to regain mastery over his emotions. It took longer than he wished to admit, and when he had finally reached some level of control, he became aware that he barely recognised his surroundings.

This Terran desert, pale though it did compared to the deserts of his home planet, was vast enough to swallow him, and bury him forever within its dunes, he reminded himself. Slowly, he began walking back the way he had come.

* * *

**A\N: It's been ages. I know. But I finally managed to write some more. It's not quite what I had planned for this story. It's almost a short summary of what I had originally planned, but this way it might actually get finished. Oh, well.**


	4. Chapter 4

Even this simple task required effort on his part. A different emotion had come over him, one he did not know the name of. All the fight seemed to have gone out of him, but instead of bringing relief, the memory of it felt like a heavy weight holding him down.

If only he had looked for another bondmate as soon as T'Rea had been out of his life, Sarek caught himself thinking of another futile scenario. He cut himself off, disgusted. This weakened, emotional state was intolerable.

It had not been much different after his bond had been dissolved. He had been in no state to consider another bonding. No healer would have allowed it, even if he had wanted to.

Not that he had. He had been quite unable to even contemplate another bondmate. Restless to remain on Vulcan, he had instead started chasing his ambitions in the diplomatic field, taking increasingly remote and difficult assignments. He had been in no hurry to look for another bondmate.

But would it have made a difference if he had been? Such things tended to take a long time, unless there was reason to hurry. It was unlikely he would have been bonded before his first chance meeting with Amanda.

No, Sarek decided, there was nothing he could have done to avoid that. It had not been out of his own initiative that he had gone to Babel. Quite by chance, he had found himself in the vicinity and had agreed to pick up his father's science prize.

And Amanda, troubled by her own problems, her behaviour bordering on inappropriate, had been quite unaware of his precarious state, of the damage her thoughtless behaviour was causing.

Never had he thought he would ever meet anyone like Amanda.

Before her, humans had simply been another species – powerful allies, but nevertheless alien. Their emotionalism, their strangeness that seemed to propel them forwards at a seemingly faster rate than Vulcans had been curious and a little concerning, but not something he had ever been driven to get closer acquainted with, much less consider a human for-

No! He had not done that. No? His thoughts argued back. Were you surprised when she propositioned you that night?

He had not been surprised, even if he had acted like it, and rejected her in a way she must surely have found humiliating. She had been the one who could not hide her surprise at his response. For her, it had been the natural next step, as outlined by human courtship rituals, such as they were. She had only been wondering why he had not taken the initiative. The thought that he would reject her had not even occurred to her.

Such arrogance that only humans seemed capable of. They did not simply believe in the superiority of their ways. Often, if not informed differently, they could not conceive of another.

Amanda was no different. All she had needed to hear was that he was unbonded and she had automatically assumed now that he was 'free' he would therefore be looking for a bondmate himself – and in quite a similar fashion to humans, at that. It never occurred to her that he might prefer the Vulcan way of looking for the most compatible matches among the available candidates. It was the most beneficial system by all accounts, and guaranteed that no Vulcan who wished to be bonded would be left without a mate.

How anyone could prefer the complete chaos the humans lived with he had never understood. It was time-consuming beyond all limits, led to countless incompatible matches, and even more lonely humans who ended up living alone against their wishes.

But, as so often, Amanda had refused to look past her humanness.

She called Vulcans stubborn, arrogant even, so set in their ways that they were unable to see their shortcomings. But it was not Vulcans who presumed to know what was best for everyone else, only for their own society.

How many arguments that particular character trait of hers had led them to.

She had started working on the universal translator to prevent any translations that could lead to misunderstandings. There had been many a word in the commonly spoken Terran languages with layers of emotional content that the Vulcans had been unable to fully comprehend. She had been an invaluable help with those.

It had been much more troublesome when she had started doing the reverse – trying to translate Vulcan words correctly into English.

Non-emotionalism had been one of them. Why not call it stoicism? she had insisted. It had taken him quite a while to convince her that Vulcan emotion suppression was indeed a physical thing, and lack thereof constituted a mental illness. She had finally understood when he had explained Bendii syndrome to her.

But some parts of Vulcan reality could not be explained so easily. She always took it as an offence, a personal insult, when Sarek insisted a certain word be translated in a particular fashion against her better judgement.

Kroykah had been one of those words. It was translated as meaning 'cease emotional behaviour', and was classified as archaic and vulgar, to discourage its use. Amanda, who could be faultlessly logical when she so chose, had objected to both classifiers. How could it be archaic when emotional behaviour only became deplorable after the Awakening? And why was the term an insult when Vulcans had two other words with the exact same translation and only slightly shaded meanings, neither of which was an insult?

She had been insistent he was failing translating the word correctly. He could hardly have contradicted her without outright lying. Nor could he have given her the more extensive translation without explaining _other things _first.

So, instead, he had taken advantage of her preconceptions to let her believe Vulcans stigmatised anyone who dared to show any emotion. But the real explanation had been on the tip of his tongue. He had caught himself more than once about to give away too much information and let her draw the correct conclusions.

Their discussion of the word 'kroykah' had not been the only such instance either. Another time she had found a mention of Vulcan having been patrilineal in the past, and insisted it should be changed to patriarchal because the word apparently could not be referred to a society as such. It had not been easy to refute her claim. He had not been able to think of a society that was not patriarchal where the inheritance was still patrilineal.

Except for Vulcan, of course, which used to be matriarchal in many ways, but inheritance had always favoured males. Again, a consequence of their biology. Male Vulcans could not have stayed unbonded after their bondmate's death. So when a queen or empress died, her bondmate's next bondmate became her successor. Therefore, the son inherited, because he would not be displaced.

Sarek was convinced his refusal to explain better had led to further misconceptions about Vulcans on Amanda's part. He did not wish her to have a negative image of Vulcans, and that wish of his was far stronger than a mere consequence of his duties as diplomat. He had tried to argue, to explain without revealing too much, and had gone so far as to mention the fact that Vulcan males could not remain unbonded.

Only after the words were out had he realised what he had told her, and he was still not certain if he had distracted her fast enough to take her mind off his revealing comment permanently.

What if that was not the case? What if his increasingly frequent slip-ups over the last months coupled with his sudden disappearance might give her an idea what was happening to him? Better yet: what if he had explained to her exactly why he was insisting on all those translations? During her visit that night, if he had-

Kroykah! It would have been a disaster, as he very well knew. The very idea of – Oh, but at least it might have made it clear to her just how incompatible they truly were, how ill conceived her idea of the two of them, without him having to outright reject her.

Curiously enough, the thought brought little comfort. As little as he liked to remember the way that conversation had gone, the thought that she might have agreed with him only seemed to make it worse. Had he – had she been aware that a part of him had considered the possibility as well, that he had wanted to hear her declarations of affection? Had he? In fact, had he encouraged her?

If he was honest with himself – as he always tried to be – he had to admit that, at the very least, he had not discouraged her. Not on Babel, when she had opted to spend time with him instead of with the man she had accompanied there, Malcolm, who clearly seemed to be her mate.

Even then he had been aware that parts of her behaviour towards him had resembled human mating rituals, but he had been curious about her, so he had ignored that. Instead of discouraging such behaviour, which at the very least seemed to bother her mate, he had encouraged a second meeting. He had told her he would be visiting Terra in the coming months.

Had he been all that surprised that she had in fact managed to track him down? Yes, he had been surprised to see her that day at the embassy, but that had been due to the suddenness of the meeting. That she might reappear in his life had not been an unexpected thought.

And later, despite his astonishment – and disapproval – at the fact that, whatever her relationship with Malcolm, he was not out of the picture, he had not done anything to discourage her interest in him. He had been aware, even if he tried his best to ignore it, that she did not spend so much time with him for their debates, some of which she found quite upsetting.

Yes, he had been aware of that, but the problem was that Sarek, who had never desired anything in his life (not even T'Rea – she had been a part of him, and he had needed her), felt desire for Amanda.

What she had done to him – to have met him when he was at his most vulnerable, to make him wish for impossible things, to make him want her.

Why? Why did it seem such an impossible task to leave her behind?

It was not a simple case of fixating on her because he was unbonded and his Time was upon him. He shuddered, both in anticipation of what was to come, and as a response to the wild desires that thought awakened, the insistent urge to search for her, find her, and-

He was not so far gone that he was unable to control those urges. Those he could deal with – for now – his more morbid side reminded him – for long enough that he would be safely back on Vulcan where his parents had everything prepared for his bonding before he lost control.

But what had come before – his Time could not have been affecting him that long ago, not on Babel, and not for months after that.

Why, then? Why her? That slip of a woman, barely old enough to be referred to as such, looking frail enough that a strong wind might blow her over – and with no mental powers to make up for it – How could someone like that have such a strong hold on him?

Sarek, noticing that he had arrived back at the hotel, slowed down and tried to vanish all traces of emotion from his face before entering. He gave an almost human sigh. Instead of calming him down, the walk had only served to upset him further. He would try again to meditate before attempting to sleep. If he did not manage to regain some composure it would be a very long couple of days before it was time for his departure.


	5. Chapter 5

The problem, of course, was that, while Amanda was all of those things he accused her of – selfish and arrogantly convinced in the superiority of the human way and her own understanding of the universe, immature and physically frail, and quite decidedly emotional – she was much more than that.

She was unwavering in her convictions, and willing to fight for them. She did not let others overshadow or intimidate her – despite her physical frailness and unimpressive social standing compared to the people she had been interacting with at the embassy, including Sarek himself.

What he perceived as her selfishness – the common human tendency to indulge in one's emotions and strive for one's own emotional fulfillment rather than try to serve the needs of the many as was the Vulcan way – never seemed to limit her generosity. In fact, her emotions seemed to make it stronger rather than the reverse.

He had been aware of her intelligence from the beginning, but because of her immaturity he had assumed she would be the one to learn from him. And in some ways she had. For all that she was arrogant in her convictions, she was always willing to learn and understand – to challenge her preconceptions.

But he had come to understand he was the one who owed more.

From her he had learned of the convoluted ways of humans. Not understand them, no. But he had come to recognise there was more wisdom in them – and in Amanda – than he was yet able to take in.

Even what he perceived as the pinnacle of human arrogance – their conviction that they knew what was best for everyone – had been shaken. He had been surprised – and unnerved – by how many times such pronouncements from Amanda had turned out to be true.

It was an arrogant thought – that everyone wanted fundamentally the same things – one he still believed did not hold true in full generality. Yet, he had been forced to admit that it could be applied in even the most unlikely of scenarios.

Only the day before, he had been able to negotiate with the rebel faction of the latest planet applying for Federation membership who had tried to stop the talks by taking hostages, using that principle.

But more than that, it applied to him.

Against all Vulcan teachings, against tradition – and yes, against his personal convictions – he had come to want Amanda as his bondmate. For all that he agreed with the Vulcan way in theory, the very thought of bonding with another – however well-suited she may be – was abhorrent, and thoughts of his trip to Vulcan filled him with dread, rather than relief.

He knew, without a doubt he knew, that no one else would do. He would never be content bonded to another, because he would want Amanda until the day he died.

What was that emotion that filled him with dread and terror, and fire and ecstasy, at the merest thought of her? What was it, that held him rooted to the spot at the entrance of his room, unable to grasp onto a single thought beyond what was in front of him?

It was _her_.

For in the middle of his room stood Amanda.


End file.
